i have this guy friend and lately i feel that i care more about him than the other way around. Not that i like LIKE him, but i care deeply about him while he just see me as one of his regular friends. And it kind of hurts. And i know its not his fault. It's frustrating. I feel like i have to take distance from him, at least until i can not so caring about him anymore. But i feel guilty when i ignore his text and avoiding him. I'm torn. Help.
I’m sorry that it’s taken me a few days to answer this, Anon. I’ve been working crazy days, crazy long hours. I hope you see this.
That’s a tough question and a hard and painful problem; I don’t think I have much advise for you that would be helpful. The sad and painful truth is that we cannot make someone like us more than they do, no matter in what capacity. You can’t really make someone fall in love with you if their heart isn’t set on you the way yours is set on them - and the same goes for friends and friendship. And I’ve been there, more than once, and have had to come to terms with the fact that people I cared about as friends didn’t care about me nearly as much, or didn’t think of me as much, or that I really didn’t matter to them to the same extent that they mattered to me. And it hurt. It still hurts sometimes. And to be honest, the only thing that helped me get past it is indeed distance. I had to keep myself away or it would eat at me and be this acidic knot in my stomach, would make me sad, all the time.
That being said - ignoring him when he is your friend and he hasn’t done anything wrong is probably going to have the adverse effect. It may hurt his feelings because he doesn’t know it’s been hurting you. It is a difficult situation where - in my opinion - it’s one of those few where talking to the person *won’t* help. He’d either not know what you mean because he doesn’t see it that way, or he’d awkwardly have to admit that he doesn’t care as much - and hearing that will only hurt you more. The only ‘solution’ I see is to stay his friend in the capacity that he is capable of giving, and enjoy these parts, rather than giving up on him. And accept for yourself that even though he means more to you than vice versa, you still mean something to him; you’re his friend, you matter. This is what he can give you - and you only have the choice to accept it - or lose out on the friendship that you do have.
I don’t know if this is helpful at all and I’m so sorry I don’t have an actual solution.